7 Cringeworthy Bollywood Numbers to Bang your Head on the Wall

`Main layaa hoon chooha apna, kaha hai teri choohi` Yes, this is a Bollywood song! Do you know Bollywood has produced many such crass, nonsensical songs over the years. Remember Govinda’s Main Laila Laila Chillaunga, Kurta Phaad Ke? We bring you a few such songs which would make you wanna scream in anguish!

By Neha Jha

Jun 29, 2018

Bollywood Music is a genre of its own. We have had a mass following outside of India as well owing to our Bollywood songs, the extravagance, the naach-gaana and the impromptu bursting into songs with a couple of backup dancers coming out of nowhere! So much so that a lot of our videshi counterparts began to believe people in India can dance anytime, anywhere! We know how true that it!!! LOL.

But, but, not all Bollywood songs can send you in a frenzy, or make you miss someone, or force you to make those songs a part of your playlist. Some of them are so downright cringe-worthy that your ears might begin to bleed. Many of those are strong enough to ruin your mood. Time and again, Bollywood comes up with such nonsensical songs that it will make you laugh at its idiotic lyrics and, on top of that, hilarious picturization.

We take a look at a few such songs (there are loads, mind you!) which made no sense whatsoever and made us go all “Whaaat!!!” every time we heard them. Our super talented Bollywood music directors and lyricists have made songs for every human situation possible.

Here we go:-

Tujhko Mirchi Lagi Toh Main Kya Karoon (Coolie No.1):-

Yes, the movie was a success and one of the most memorable roles of Govinda. However, this particular song was so hilarious that people would hear it simply to laugh and indulge in some nonsensical dance moves back in the 90s. I mean, what the hell was it? Plus, it also had a line, “Teri Naani Mari toh Main Kya Karoon”. Why would two lovers sing and dance to this kind of a song in the middle of the road? They’d have to be lunatics to do that! And this song was a hit!! It was a rage with several low-grade entertainment shows which took place in small cities and towns all over India back in the day. Well, “Bhelpuri Kha raha tha” and “Naina Lada rahi thi” are just so commonplace in our country, no?

Ande Ka Funda (Jodi No 1):-

Another Govinda starrer where we had Sanju Baba joining him, this song also became a hit. I remember humming it back when it released in 2001. It happened to be a party song where you see both these actors all dressed up and singing along with a chorus holding eggs. So, basically, the song is about decoding an egg. And it is a serious song - “Iss mein chupa hai kudrat ka falsafa!” Yeah, hens lay eggs and chicks come out of it! And we humans love to eat eggs since they are somewhat healthy. Where’s the funda here? Had the lyricist eaten an egg and then penned this song?? Because we know there is something called a writer’s block, right?

Batata Wada (Hifazat):-

Anil Kapoor and Madhuri Dixit were the quintessential pairs back in the day. They gave us amazing romantic numbers, but also a few embarrassing ones. This song will make you laugh as well as cringe. It’s like the guy is not too happy being in love and goes all, “Dil Nahin Dena tha, dena pada” and then falls all over the lady love. And they made Madhuri dance for nothing! She looks more funny than elegant in that South Indian getup (stereotype much!) with Anil Kapoor looking absolutely ridiculous in that dhoti!! What the hell was that?? Who’d eat Batata Wada after seeing such a ridiculous song??

Samose Mein Aloo (Mr. and Mrs. Khiladi):-

Khiladi Kumar has a tag for some reason! And that is amply proved in this song. Now, it all seems like some kind of a lovemaking song. But, poor Juhi Chawla had to be coaxed into twisting and turning in ridiculous manners to make love to Akshay Kumar, or is that what is happening?? Where does samosa come in between love?? And why are they dancing this way? Why aren’t they in a disco then? “Jab tak rahega samose mein aloo, tera rahoonga O meri shaloo!” Wait, what? The love here is conditional and based upon the amount of potatoes in samosa. And both the actors seem to agree to it. Well, well, Anu Malik can surprise us real well with all such songs, no? After all, it’s a Khiladi couple here.

Kaddu Katega toh Sab Mein Batega (R... Rajkumar):-

No song can be more embarrassing than this one! What was the lyricist thinking? First off, kaddu is not really an appeasing vegetable. And then, you cut it and announce to the world. Why would anyone want to eat your kaddu? Just eat it yourself!! Unless it has some double meaning innuendo! The lines will make anyone cringe - It is all about objectification and even glamorizing dirty sex! The song is highly vulgar and will make you either cringe or laugh. And then, they say how does India become the world’s most unsafe country for women. Well, this is one example of how the sexualization of women is normalized by Bollywood.

Ice Cream (The Xpose):-

This film was our desi The Great Gatsby with horrific songs and poor quality special effects. Add to that the horrible performances and you’d feel the actors were simply passing their time while shooting for this film. And this song is like, above the bizarre level. What is the big deal if she wants to eat ice-cream?? Everybody does! It’s the age of global warming!! And did they just trash the 60s?? Dude, we had some amazing music in the 60s with legendary actors and singers and music composers!! What did they do to it?? That too, with a rap by Honey Singh!! Plus, so much shaking of heads can make you collapse in utter anguish. My head is aching badly!

Fevicol Se (Dabangg 2):-

This song was so crass that Kareena Kapoor Khan had to avoid being asked why she did this song in many interviews. Well, she isn’t a feminist, but we do believe she has some sense!! I mean, Sheila ki Jawani was not as offensive as this is if she had to compete with Katrina!! The lyrics have double, triple meaning and completely objectify women from every possible angle. Yes, we know Kareena played a prostitute but what the hell is “Main toh Tandoori Murgi hoon yaar, gatkale saiyan alcohol se.” This breaks all levels of crassness. Why are people such jerks? And what’s wrong with some of our leading ladies? Why do item songs exist till today in the first place?

We possibly cannot recount the number of such highly stupid, dysfunctional and downright terrible songs. You got to be choosy when you say you are a Bollywood music buff!! Some of it is horrible to a great degree.

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